Some time ago we brought you a
version of a 'handfasting' which has been very popular on the blog, so we
thought we would follow it up with a fabulous way of including children in this
wonderfully meaningful ritual.
Including children in a handfasting:
Celebrant: 'When we think about marriage we immediately
visualize the joining of two people. But this is not always so. Marriages unite
families and as is the case in many families today who already have children,
they give us a wonderful opportunity to celebrate and embrace some of the other
important relationships in our lives.
During a wedding ceremony rings are sometimes exchanged with a promise. As
(Bride) and (Groom) are not exchanging rings, but instead binding their hands,
they thought appropriate that their children should also take part as a
reminder of their promise to them on this day.
(Bride & Groom) wanted to find a way to let their children know now how
special and wonderful they are, and how privileged and blessed they feel to be
their parents'.
Children step forward and their hands are bound with the parents
Celebrant addresses children:
'(Insert children’s names): These are the hands that will support
encourage and protect you through all of life’s ups and downs, happy times, sad
times, love and we hope, great joy. This binding is a reminder of the love and
respect that each of you have for the others and that which will last for a
lifetime'.
You can amend the wording of any of our ritual examples to suit
your own family circumstances. Check out some of the others we've shared in
previous posts.
One of the most popular
rituals performed in wedding ceremonies today is the ‘Unity Sand Ritual’. The
rite can be performed by the couple alone, but is more often used
when there are children from previous relationships or when the couple already
have children of their own. The Unity Sand Ritual is a wonderfully unifying
ritual; simple yet meaningful.
Requirements: A sand kit including - clear glass vase or goblet and different coloured sand in ornamental bottle for each person involved.
The glass vase is
placed in the centre of a small table at the ceremony’s location. To add a
personal touch it can be accessorised, or engraved with the couple’s initials
or names and the wedding date.
Two of the smaller
vases, containing different coloured sands, are placed either side of the
central vase, one for the bride and one for the groom. These sands can be in
the wedding colours.
During the sand
ceremony, the celebrant will verbally direct the couple to take turns to pour
the sand from their individual vases into the central vase, creating a layered
effect. If children are participating, they will then be invited to pour their
own colours, to mark their inclusion as part of a loving family.
Finally the couple will
pour the remainder of the sand into the vase at the same time so that the two
colours combine and can’t be separated, symbolising the unassailable strength
of their union. A poem or reading can be recited at the same time as the sand
is poured.
Tip: If the ceremony takes place
at a beach the celebrant may take some sand from the ground and pour it as the
final layer to represent the location where the couple solemnised their
family’s unity and commitment.
Example:
‘Jane and Daniel have
chosen to include a symbolic ritual in their ceremony today called the Unity
Sand Ritual. Could I ask Rebecca and Shane to bring Brayden and Sarah forward.
Jane, Daniel, Brayden
and Sarah, today you are making a life-long commitment to share the rest of
your lives with each other as a family. The relationship that you each have
with the other members of this family is symbolized through the pouring of
these four individual containers of sand; One, representing you Jane and one
representing you Daniel and all that you were, all that you are and all that
you will ever be. The other two representing your two beautiful children
Brayden and Sarah and all that they have been and have meant to you and the
unlimited potential for what they may become.
As each of you hold
your sand, the separate containers represent your individual and unique lives
up to this point. As you now combine your sand together, your lives also join
together as one. I ask you now to individually pour half of your sand into the
container. We will start with you Daniel.
Just as these grains of
sand can never be separated and poured again into the individual containers, so
will your marriage and your family be.
I now ask that you all
pour your remaining sand into the container together. May this togetherness
never be broken and may your lives always be blended and intertwined with each
other’s in happiness, hope and prosperity.’
Here is a little video of what this might look like:
There are many different versions of handfasting ceremonies that are used in different cultures around the world. The way you do it for your own ceremony is really up to you.
You can personalise the wording of any handfasting ritual, or write your own meaningful words to go with the binding of the hands.
To accompany our handfasting ceremony video below, we thought it would be helpful to provide you with the wording for a couple of the more popular wording variations.
You can checkout our video below or use some of the wording options we've provided.
Example 1:
Celebrant:‘Nicole and Gary have chosen to include a hand fasting ritual in their ceremony today as a symbol of their love Nicole and Gary please hold your hands, palms up, so you may see the gift that they are to each of you.’
(the hands are bound lightly by celebrant)
‘These are the hands of your best friend, young and strong and vibrant with love, which are holding yours on your wedding day, as you promise to love each other all the days of your life.
These are the hands that will work alongside of yours, as together you build your future, as you laugh and cry, as you share your innermost secrets and dreams.
These are that hands which will passionately love you and cherish you through the years, for a lifetime of happiness.
These are the hands that will countless times wipe the tears from your eyes: tears of sorrow and tears of joy.
These are the hands which will comfort you in illness, and hold you when fear or grief engulfs your heart.
These are the hands that will give you support and encourage you to chase down your dreams. Together as a team, everything you wish for can be realised.
This binding represents the love that has bound you together to this point. It will continue to bind you to one another until the binding of your rings takes it place.’
The ceremony continues with the couple’s hands bound until the ring exchange at which point the celebrant removes the binding, and the rings then take its place as their binding for life.
Example 2:
Celebrant: Please join hands. As your hands are joined, so now are your lives. (Celebrant binds the hands)
Above you are the stars
below you are the stones
as time does pass
Remember
Like a star should your love be constant
Like a stone should your love be firm
Be close, but not too close
Posses one another, but be understanding
Have patience with one another
For storms will come, but they will go quickly
Be free in the giving of affection and warmth
Make love often, and be sensuous with one another
Have no fear and let not the ways or words
of the unenlightened give you unease for the Gods are with you.
Hands remain bound until the ring exchange.
Example 3: Handfasting with Children
Celebrant: 'When we think about marriage we immediately visualize the joining of two people. But this is not always so. Marriages unite families and as is the case in many families today, who already have children, they give us a wonderful opportunity to celebrate and embrace some of the other important relationships in our lives.
During a wedding ceremony rings are sometimes exchanged with a promise. As (Bride) and (Groom) are not exchanging rings, but instead binding their hands, they thought appropriate that their children should also take part as reminder of their promise to them on this day.
They wanted to find a way to let them know now how special and wonderful they are, and how privileged and blessed they feel to be their parents.
Children step forward and their hands are bound with the parents
Celebrant addresses children:
(Insert children’s names) These are the hands that will support encourage and protect you through all of life’s ups and downs, happy times, sad times, love and we hope, great joy. This binding is a reminder of the love and respect that each of you have for the others and that which will last for a lifetime.
