Wedding Rituals and Traditions - The Silent Flower Ritual (mothers)

The silent flower ritual is one of the simplest and most basic rituals that may be included in a wedding ceremony, but it’s significance and emotional depth are long remembered.

The silent flower ritual brings significance to the roles of the mothers on this special day, that may otherwise go unspoken and to all that they have contributed in the lives of the couple present. In nurturing, loving and caring for each of them and in being there to share this special day with them.

Once the guests are assembled and the groom and celebrant are waiting for the bride, the entrance music begins and the bride enters carrying her bouquet with 2 loose long stem flowers. As she approaches her groom on her father’s (or whoever is escorting her) arm, she lets go of him and walks silently over to her soon to be mother in law and hands her one of the flowers, giving her a kiss on the cheek. She then walks over to her own mother handing her a flower also and giving her a kiss on the cheek.

No words are said during the ritual and the bride then returns to her escort’s arm and continues to her groom.

The ritual, though silent, is very meaningful and brings a tear to the eyes of guests and of course the mothers. It is a truly wonderful way of honouring the mother’s role in the lives of the couple and their importance on this day. The mothers are always very pleased, particularly when they are not aware that it is going to take place.

The Wedding Gurus xx

Wedding Rituals and Traditions - The Wishing Stones

The Wishing Stone Ceremony

The ‘Wishing Stone' Ceremony is a wonderfully inclusive ritual to incorporate into your big day and is great for not just weddings, but any ceremony you may be considering.

I have performed it as part of a baby naming as well as for weddings. It basically involves using small polished stones, just large enough to write a small wish on if necessary.

Photo from: Intimateweddings.com

Usually the stones are given out by someone selected to perform the task (can be a great way of including children, by getting them to walk around and make sure everyone has a stone).

As the ceremony commences the guests are asked to hold the stones tightly and make a loving wish for the couple’s life together.

The stones can later be collected in a vase for the couple to keep as a memento of all of the wishes their loved ones and friends made for them or each person can be invited to come forward as part of the ceremony and place their stone – making their wish for the couple, in the vase.

Each stone represents a special wish that the couple can take with them to reflect on throughout their married life together.

Some couples may wish to go a little further and ask guests to write their wish on the stone, offering felt tipped pens for the guests and family to write their names and add their wish.

The Wedding Gurus xx

Wedding Rituals and Traditions - Dove Release

 

Including a Dove Release can be a beautiful and symbolic addition to any wedding ceremony. The symbolism is beautiful and the spectacle is even more so.

Celebrant:
"White doves mate for life and much like a married couple, sometimes the doves take flight and follow their own path for short periods of time, not tied to each other every moment of every passing day. But when the darkness sets in, whether their day’s journey has been together or apart, they both return to the safe place they know is home for the night, to each other.

The releasing of these white doves is a blessing to you both on this day. It is a reminder that while your lives, your paths and your other commitments may often lead you in opposite directions, you always have a place to come home to, to find each other and be one."

Release the doves

"As these doves fly they will carry for you and all of your loved ones here present, wishes for peace, love and hope for your future life together."

The Wedding Gurus xx

Finding the right wedding celebrant

When he gets down on one knee and pops that big question, for one amazing split second the world stops. The future flashes before your eyes and that flash usually involves a gorgeous dress, vibrant flowers and adoring eyes all focused on us. But…..unfortunately as plans begin to take hold and arrangements are booked the reality of how much works is involved in planning a wedding begins to set in.

Finding the right celebrant is sadly often given little thought initially and left to near last. Whether that is because it is perceived as a ‘less fun’ task or perhaps couples just find picking cakes and flowers more fun, but whatever the reason, finding the celebrant is something that should be given time and consideration and can mean the difference between having a fabulous day and having a disaster.

In selecting the celebrant for you it is really important that you have some idea of what you are looking for to begin with - male, female, older, younger, traditional, modern. You need to take some time to work these details out in advance and ensure that as a couple you are clear about what you are looking for.

So, why is it important to find the right celebrant? Well your celebrant will play a major role not only on the big day, but will be your main source of ideas, information and guidance on planning your ceremony. While a celebrants main objective is to help the couple to create a ceremony that reflects who they are, they also bring to it their own perspectives, beliefs and ideas on ceremony which can often impact substantially on the end result.

Some celebrants may be more traditional and believe that a ceremony should be a very serious and formal occasion while other celebrants may believe that a more easy going, casual and fun ceremony is perfectly acceptable.

In working with you they will bring these ideas to your ceremony in the planning stages that's why it is a good idea to take the time to select wisely.

Choosing someone to trust in guiding you to plan your big day can be a little daunting, so we’ve put together a few top tips to help you:

Tip 1: Do some research based on your initial decisions of male/female etc.

Tip 2: Select 3 who appear to fit all of your criteria and either call or email them for information. Remember to ask each one to provide you with an information pack (or an outline of the services they provide, fees, inclusions etc.)

Tip 3: Compare the 3 packs based on what is provided. Consider total cost and a rating of the information given. Pay careful attention to the price inclusions, all celebrants charge different amounts and provide different things for that price.

For example: Celebrant 1 charges an all inclusive price of $500 including signing table, all documents, travel in metro area, PA use etc. Celebrant 2 charges $400, however there is a $50 fee for a table, $70 for the PA, $50 for documents and travel charged per kilometer. It’s easy to see the initial price as being the best only to discover that there are lots of ‘add ons’

Tip 4: Choose the celebrant who provides everything you are looking for at the fairest price and who you feel will best work with you to create your dream ceremony.

Tip 5: Make contact with them for an initial introduction or meeting to see if your personalities match and that they understand your vision for your day.

When you meet with the celebrant you will soon know if they are right for you, however if you feel they are not suitable simply go back to your top 3 list and organise another meeting.

We have all heard the old saying "you get what you pay for" and like anything else this is true when it comes to weddings. Very experienced and knowledgeable celebrants charge a reasonable fee for the service that they provide to couples and the time and effort that they spend personalising ceremonies to ensure your ceremony is exactly as you envisioned it to be.

While there are many cheap options available couples need to ensure that they are meeting the legal requirements and consider the standard they expect for their wedding day. Be sure to ask friends and family for recommendations as chances are if they come highly recommended, they are providing fabulous service.

We hope this has helped you to find the right celebrant for you and don't forget to check out The Wedding Gurus preferred celebrants page by clicking this link:

The Wedding Gurus

xx

 

Wedding Rituals & Traditions - Our version of a Rune Stone Ceremony

The ‘Stone Ceremony’ is a tradition that takes us back to a much simpler time, when gold was far less affordable and not readily available to hard working people. Instead of an exchange of rings, the bride and groom would cast stones, etched with ancient Nordic runic symbols, into a nearby water source, most commonly a river, lake or sea.

While couples today can usually afford and easily access rings to celebrate their nuptials, the meaning and sentiment behind the casting of the stones can be a wonderful addition to a wedding ceremony. This ritual can be performed in either of its traditional settings or easily adapted to the modern era, with the use of a fountain, pond or something similar and the stones can be made by the couple themselves or purchased online.

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Requirements: 2 stones, a river or brook (or a pond)

Example:

“Many early settlers on Australian soil had very little wealth and did not have access to the fine things that life now has to offer. They could not afford the symbolic presentation and exchange of rings that we see at a modern wedding ceremony. To show their love, eternal commitment and to confirm their vows, they would instead each cast a stone into a nearby river or ocean. The water was a natural and lasting reminder that symbolised their intention of remaining together forever, while the tides of time ebbed and flowed over their lives, with joy and sorrow, highs, lows and great love. John and Alice will now cast two stones into the brook behind us. The stones they have chosen for this ceremony have been etched with ancient Nordic symbols, called 'Runes'.

The use of Rune stones today is deliberate and John and Alice have chosen the symbols that are significant for them. Rune stones hold strong meanings and symbolise the merging of past cultures, with the joining together of these two lives as one.

The red stone, carved with the rune 'Berkana'.

This is a rune of new birth and new beginnings. Although it can be indicative of an actual birth or marriage it can also refer to personal growth and development and prosperity. It can indicate the start of something special and the cleansing of doubts before moving forward.

The Gold stone, carved with the rune 'Ansuz',

Represents blessing and joy, a time for new beginnings and to expect the unexpected. It offers harmony, order and Wisdom.  These symbols remind us that, we must always move forward and openly accept the unexpected things that life may cast our way. We must ride the ebbs and flows of the tide together.

John and Alice, please now cast your stones.

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We hope you enjoy and feel a sense of connection to place when using this type of ritual in you ceremony. If you do use it, we'd love to see some pics!

The Wedding Gurus xx

Is your partner just not getting it when it comes to wedding planning?

 Is your partner just not getting it when it comes to wedding planning?

The wedding Gurus like to keep up on all the gossip around town when it comes to wedding planning and one thing that we see on a regular basis is where one partner is struggling to get the other to come to the party when it comes to planning their big day and spending a little money.

Now, we say spending a little money, but we all know that weddings can begin to burn a hole in those hardworking pockets pretty darn quick. In many situations your partner is probably right to try and keep things in check and make sure that costs are staying within the agreed budget (did you make one of those in the first place? If not, now might be a good time)

But what we’re hearing is that some brides are struggling with partners who are not only irritated and overwhelmed by the planning of it all, but also want the whole thing done and dusted on a few hundred dollars and this is causing some real relationship stress for some couples.

So, if your partner is finding the whole wedding planning stage a bit too much what are some strategies for dealing with it before it gets to breaking point?

1. Ask them to set aside a specific time to have a chat about things. In the lead up to that time, try not to harp on about he wedding or costs or anything else. Where possible, be the couple you’ve always been and save the wedding talk for the allocated time.

2. When you do sit down at the arranged time, be prepared. Have a list of things that need to get sorted out and tackle them one at a time. Having an agreed total budget amount will definitely make it easier to make decisions and ensure that both of you are clear about what is expected. The budget is definitely the first thing to tackle and this can take some time, so have some estimates ready in order to help your case and ensure the budget is realistic.

3. Some people just don’t love this stuff, so if you have a partner who is struggling with the ‘big picture’ visuals that you have in mind, you might need to take it slow, perhaps show them some pictures and be willing to negotiate. It’s so easy to get caught up with flower walls, lighting backdrops and chandelier candelabras, but if you’re mortgaging your house to pay for it, then some things might have to go. Be prepared to listen to what they think and scale back on some things that may be a little over the top.

4. Have a set list (yep another one!) of things that you each need to do or be a part of. For example, your partner may need to organise the fittings for the outfits, the transport, alcohol and a number of other things. And you will be organising the invites, hair trials, etc. Include the tasks that you will also need to do together, eg, seeing the caterer, photographer, celebrant etc. It is also a good idea to have required completion dates next to each task so that you both have a timeframe to work within.

5. Once you’ve had your set time to chat about all of the wedding details and plans, try to let it fall into the background while you each work from your list. No one likes to constantly be asked where they’re at and if things have been done, especially is the topic is a little sensitive and one partner is feeling a little ‘managed’. When the tasks reach their completion date, check in and see if they have been done and re-visit the next set of tasks in the planning.

Planning a wedding can be great fun for a couple, but it can also be absolutely awful and bring about a questioning of the relationship. Try to remember that we each have different ideas and place different values on things and sometimes your partner may not be completely on the same page as you. While one partner may have been dreaming of the perfect white wedding, a gigantic cake and a wall covered in flowers, the other might be placing more value on having family and fiends present and committing their lives to the other person. Marriage, after the party, is constant negotiation and compromise so now is a great time to get some practice!

Good luck xx

Writing your own wedding vows - a guide for planning

 Should we write our own vows?

If I had a dollar for every time couples asked me this question, let’s just say I would be lying on a beach in the Bahamas sipping a cocktail.

There is really no right or wrong answer to this question and it is honestly nothing more than a consideration of what kind of person you are and if you feel confident with words and your ability to deliver them in front of a live audience. One thing that I have definitely noticed is that the ladies are always far more eager to take on this task than the gentlemen. Why? I really have no idea but for some reason it almost always seems to be the case all but for a few exceptions.

When I sit down to put together a ceremony with a couple, the vows is always the section that takes us the longest to work through. There are lots of options and different methods of delivery and it’s often hard to decide in advance what your level of confidence will be like on the day.

The easiest way to do this is to break it down into 2 sections and they are Delivery and Content.

Firstly, delivery –    Do you want to repeat them after the celebrant or priest?

                                Read them from a card or

                                Recite them from memory

Making a decision about which method of delivery you will use greatly affects your content but we will look at that in a moment.

Secondly, content –  Do you want to write something personal from the heart

                                  Choose a standard vow(modern or traditional)

                                  Adapt/reword a standard vow or one personally written by someone else

Choosing a particular mode of delivery directly affects your choice of content due to the fact that if you really want to repeat the words after the Celebrant/Priest then 2-3 lines is about the maximum length you can use. Something personally written is usually not a good choice in this instance because it tends to be longer than 2-3 lines and does not come across well to guests. Vows longer than 2-3 lines are not pleasant when repeated because as you can imagine the guests feel like they are watching a tennis match, celebrant says a couple words, bride repeats the words, celebrant says a couple more words, Bride repeats and so on and on and on and then it’s the grooms turn to do it all over again!

Repeat: If you choose the option repeating after the Celebrant/Priest, by far the best idea is to choose either a short standard Vow or a personal vow that is no longer than about 3 lines in length (including the legal wording).

Read: If you are happy to read your Vows from a card then you are free to write anything you want as long as you ensure that the approx 2 lines that the Commonwealth stipulate must be said in order for your marriage to be valid (your celebrant or priest will discuss this with you).

HANDYHINT: If you decide to write your own vows then a great thing to bring it all to life is to write your vows to each other secretly and submitted them to the Celebrant/Priest separately so that the other does not know what will be said on the day. This is wonderful and adds an element of excitement for you as the couple on the day. I have seen this leave couples sobbing when the words are spoken.

Recite: The final option is to recite your vows from memory. When I got married many years  ago, I remember the Deacon who married us saying that we MUST learn our vows because it is the one thing that we have to do for ourselves on the day. I understand his point about he fact that each person should make the effort to at least remember what they want to say to the other, but in all honesty it ruined my experience of my ceremony because I was so petrified of forgetting the vows that it was all I could think about or concentrate on rather than really enjoying my wedding day and having all of my family and friends together.

Since then I have only ever had two couples who were absolutely sure that they wanted to recite their vows from memory and they were practising right up until the last moment and ………. in both cases I ended up having to prompt them through it. It is not because they just suddenly forgot, it is because it is very difficult to anticipate how powerful it is standing up there and the rollercoaster of emotions that is consuming you as you look at each other with all of your loved ones looking on.

My final bit of info on this topic is just a small caution. If you are going to write your own vows and especially if you are going to keep them secret, MAKE SURE that you are on the same page in terms of the tone. For example I had a couple who submitted their vows separately and while his was a full page of gushing about how divine his beautiful bride to be was and how he had fallen in love with her from the instant he saw her, when I read her vows my heart almost skipped a beat. Her vows were a hilarious account of their life together and all of his bad habits that disgusted her and drove her crazy and how she loved him for it. Both were great stories, but it would have been a disaster for him to give his loving speech only for her to follow with her comedy routine.

When deciding on what to choose for your vows, talk to each other about it and try to find an option that you are both comfortable with. A good Celebrant or Priest will always have a stack of options and ideas so rely on their expertise to guide you in the right direction.

If you have any problems or questions at all, feel free to comment. We're more than happy to help you out.

The Wedding Gurus xx